The Perfect Partner for You

Serious about finding The One?  Take these 6 steps toward finding, and maintaining, the perfect partner and relationship for you:

1. Make a list of your ideal partner.

Write down everything you would like in your perfect man/woman. Have fun with it. Be specific. Then prune your list.  What is truly important versus what is non-negotiable? For example, you would prefer a millionaire, but you’re happy if that he is fairly comfortable financially. Or you’d like a redhead but you can live with her being a blonde. It’s a different story however, if you are prepared to give your heart to a man with a violent temper when you need a gentle man. You get the idea.

2. Tick off the attributes you have in common with your soul-mate (to-be).

You both love cycling? Tick. You love jogging and he loves tennis. You’re both sporty, great.  You’re calm and he’s rock solid emotionally?  Even better. He’s a member of MENSA and you’re a rocket scientist. Close enough. You’re a small town girl and he’s lived in all the big cities around the world, but he wants to settle down in your hometown. Perfect.

3. Note the remaining points on your wish list.

There are bound to be a few things you might not have, that you want in a partner. For example, if you’re an introvert, you might like having an outgoing partner around to spice things up a little. Or you’re pint-sized package at 5ft4” wanting to snuggle up to a manly 6ft soul mate. Perhaps you’re a wonderful home-maker wanting to take care of hearth and home for a businessman who likes to be the provider. Nothing wrong with that; as long as everyone is happy, go for it!

4. Beware the patterns.

You want him to be financially secure, but you’ve maxed out your credit cards? Having a guy with a six-pack is important to you, but you’re seriously out of shape and sporting two chins? A serial womaniser who rates fidelity as a high priority in his partner? If you’re lucky enough you may indeed find someone rich enough to pay your debts, a guy who loves you for your mind, not your body and a woman that tames your playboy ways. And you’ll live happily ever after.  Back in the reality, what often happens when you’re fiscally challenged is that you are more likely to attract men who control you financially, reject you in favour of someone more solid or take advantage of you. The muscled Adonis with the 6 pack will be highly unlikely to even notice behind him in the mirror or amongst the firm lycra-clad bodies in the gym he lives in. The playboy will probably put you through hell with his double standards if the relationship lasts long enough. One way or the other, you will attract a mirror image to teach you the difference between what you want and what you need.

5. Do the work.

Ok so you can’t make yourself any taller, but you can learn to love that you’re small. Either that or invest in high heels. Problem solved. Ditching the credit cards or being disciplined enough to stick within your budget is a step in the right direction. You can choose to exercise and get fit and healthy or simply make peace with the odd bulge in yourself and others. It is possible to opt for some therapy and get to grips with trust and other issues, instead of compulsively bedding all and sundry to slake a temporary thirst.

6. Reap the rewards.

There is nothing as liberating as taking control once you’ve recognized, and subsequently “outed” your fears.  It’s bracing, but curiously calming, to realise that the ONLY reason you haven’t found Mr or Ms Right, or the right balance in your partnership, is simply because you haven’t completed step 4. & 5. yet. That’s the ‘bracing’ part. The ‘calming’ part is the utter peace that comes with the knowledge that if you DO the work, it WILL work! No more angst or hopelessness; you will find instead, a priceless sense  of purpose and security that comes from knowing that there is someone perfect for you, working their way to you.

 

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