Dating Tip #5: Be happy

One of the biggest mistakes we make, as women (and men) is that we forget how important it is to HAVE A LIFE. How many of you have had your ex come back just when you’ve started to get over him/her? You’re over the heartache, back at gym, focused on  your career and getting out and about, and getting your life back on track, when voila, the ex comes out of the woodwork, and wants you back! Or suddenly, there are men/women drooling over you as if you were the only person on the planet. I can’t count the number of clients I have had, who have bee through the trauma of a bad breakup or divorce, and then had their ex boyfriend/husband try and come back to them. Or of singles who, just after having given up on ever getting The One, meet Mr/Ms Right. Why?

Because girls, men can literally SMELL when you are back on your feet, and damn, its attractive. And ladies, same goes for you. Your ex is looking good, things are going well and gee, enough time has passed to forget all the angst they put you through. Singles will find that as soon as they don’t give a damn about a partner, or are in a space where they just need to concentrate on themselves, admirers appear out of the woodwork, wild for you.

And the reason is, quite simply, that before you met your ex, or when you didn’t give a damn about being alone, YOU HAD A LIFE. You weren’t trying to please anyone, you didn’t let yourself go, and you certainly didn’t twist yourself into a pretzel trying to be the perfect partner. Newsflash! Being independent, being busy, and having a full life fitting in your work, friends, gym and hobbies is damn attractive to the opposite sex. What you did BEFORE you settled into the “disease to please” rut was authentic, natural and on your terms. And the mistake we make is that we give it all up for our “other half”. Then, we moan about being taken for granted. The fact is, we lose that alive, happening vibe we had going for us and we settle. Into a rut. Into a new dress size. Into complacency. Into boredom.

Relationships take work, check. They take comprise, check. But, all too often, they make us forget that when we are not hurt, or lonely, or worried, or angry, we are vibrant and alive and exciting. A huge mistake that we all make, is that we forget about our identity as individuals, our strength and vibrancy. In the interests of mutual habitation, we settle. We  fail to make the effort keep our own identity. And then we complain when we lose the spark. Reality check: who you were and what you did is what attracted your partner to you in the first place. Keep that alive, maintain your identity and know that you are responsible for being a happy, fulfilled person who makes an effort. With your home, your personal appearance and your responsibility to be the positive, happy person that makes it a pleasure for people to be around. Single people try harder, explore more and have less to lose. Strive to be more like the person you used to be, before you became the person you wish your partner would make you into.



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